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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Changing My Life

I don't utilize healthy coping skills as often as I should.

I tend to try to repress how I'm feeling. I tend to use food to make me feel better. I tend to break down and cry, but then not fix anything. I tend to use distraction. I tend to make jokes.

I will disassociate. I will feel numb and check out. I will get anxious. I will take on others' crises as my own.

Add to this, unhealthy thinking habits.

I demand perfection from myself. I assume that what others do and say are personal attacks or slights against me. I compare and despair: contrasting others' outsides to my insides, and always find myself lacking.

And combine the above with a job that exposes me to trauma on a daily basis.

I am witness to horrific cases of childhood sexual and physical abuse. And, perhaps even worse, I am witness to the failure of systems to protect these children.

All of that gives you a recipe for disaster and depression.

So, I'm thinking, it's time to make some changes. And, given that I can't control the trauma that I'm routinely exposed to, I've got to make healthy choices and monitor my thought patterns.

...Wish me luck.

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