Lesbians, Vegetarians, Atheists, and Feminists. If you're not scared off by now, stay and read a few more things I have to say.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I chose to be gay.

I did.

I'm sexually attracted to men. I can have emotional and romantic connections with them. I can, quite easily, pretend to be heterosexual.

Despite that, I chose to be a lesbian.

Now, I know that for most of those lgbtqqia-identifiers that they don't feel like there was choice in the matter; that they were born gay or lesbian. And, just like that, just how they were born with a specific orientation, I was born bisexual. I always remember being attracted to both genders. I never chose to begin liking men or begin liking women - it's just always been that way.

And, for those of us who chose to have a same sex partner, I think we're kind of the dirty gay secret. It's an inconvenient part of the narrative. We're supposed to concentrate on genetics, on pointing to all the animals who were gay, and all the gays through history. It doesn't sit well with gay advocacy groups to have members stand up and say "I'm a lesbian, I chose to be, and so what?" The idea is we need to prove it's not a choice, so we can be accepted.

Which means that our thinking is: If it was a choice, wouldn't we choose to be straight?

Our own narrative oppresses us. Why are we putting forth the idea that of course we wouldn't want to choose to be a lesbian? Why do we assume that everyone knows that it is bad and wrong to be gay?

It's okay to chose to be gay. It's okay to chose not to be gay. It's okay to chose to be a boy or a girl, or chose to identify as Italian or Namibian. And if there didn't seem to be a choice in these traits, that's okay, too.

For me, I decided to be a lesbian, and I love it.


  1. Oh noes! You chose to be a lesbian! We must find a real macho man to rescue you!!!

  2. Joking aside, I think it's wonderful you were born with a choice in the matter, and that you have exercised that choice as you see fit. I don't see any reason or grounds whereby it is anyone's decision to make but your own.

    Also, you've written a fun, but thought-provoking read here. Thanks! It's just what I needed this evening.

  3. I certainly agree with you that it is my decision - and I wish more people saw it as a positive thing to be able to make that choice.

    And, aside from the whole "it's sinful" thing, I'm not sure if one could make a good argument not to be gay. (Well, on second thought, maybe also the whole "people are prejudice" thing.)

  4. Once you met me, why WOULDN'T you choose to be be lesbian?

  5. You could turn Anne Coulter gay, grasshopper.

  6. Astasia: "The idea is we need to prove it's not a choice, so we can be accepted."

    I think that's a dangerous idea.

    People who think, "Gays should not be persecuted because they have no choice but to be gay" -- who think that reasoning will ever stop their persecution are simply not recalling the people who have been persecuted because they were born Jewish, or born Roma, or born Native American, etc.

    Moreover, history shows that evil people will sometimes seek to excuse or justify the murder of Jews, Roma, Native Americans, etc., on the very grounds that, since they are born the way they are, they cannot be rehabilitated, and consequently must be murdered.

    On a much much lighter note, now, Grasshopper, it suddenly occurs to me that I could say the very same thing as you: "Once she met me, why wouldn't she choose to be a lesbian?"

  7. I love this post. First of all, because it is honest. And second, because it is an excellent topic. Some people choose to be gay, and so what?

    Personally, I think you didn't really have a choice. You were born bi, and when you fall in love, you fall in love with whomever. Who of us really choose who to fall in love with? Aren't most of us head-over-hills before we find out we're in love? And if you happen to fall in love with a woman, where is the choice?

    ** Lorena