Lesbians, Vegetarians, Atheists, and Feminists. If you're not scared off by now, stay and read a few more things I have to say.

Monday, October 11, 2010

National Coming Out Day

My own coming out story is not full of drama, and I think, frankly, it was a relief to my family. I had gone from one emotionally abusive relationship with a man to a polygamous relationship that was emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive. So, just being in a monogamous relationship with a woman almost seemed safe to my family, I think. And fortunately my girlfriend, that cute little shinobi wan kenobi, is amazingly kind and sensitive. So, my initial coming out story was, relatively, easy.

But, oftentimes, in our heteronormative culture, it seems like every day is coming out day. It seems there is always the re-explaining of the 'no, I don't have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend,' to acquaintances, friends, more distant relatives. So, here's to a day when we won't need coming out days - when it will be assumed that you grow up and love who you love, marry who you marry, and it's all just considered normal. In the future, I'll wish you a Happy We're All Equal Day. :)


  1. For you that day won't come. You won't live to see it, nor would the children your lifestyle makes difficult if not out precluding it.

    Oddly and frankly sadly, I'm part of why that is so. I'm polygamous and am used as a reason why homosexuals shouldn't be allowed to marry.

    Worse, as a White male polygamist, even the Liberals despise me. Funny that. ;-)

    But, if I hear many more idiots say, "You're my hero" or "I want to be you when I grow up" as if I have some mystical wet dream lifestyle I may just take my daisho off the alter and start practicing cutting techniques again...old school.

  2. I am all sorts of curious about what you just said - having been part of a polygamous relationship myself - but I would understand if you don't want to discuss your reasons and/or rationale. (Example questions: Are you and your partners all involved together - or is it a separate relationship with each partner? Is it religiously motivated? How long have you been in a polygamous relationship?)

    Unlike some other liberals, I, obviously, don't dismiss polygamy as automatically despicable, but I do have problems with unequal relationships. However, I believe that as long as there is choice and willingness, than adult sexual relationships are none of my business.

    I think anyone who insinuates that it is some sort of wet dream has not lived with the practical concerns and problems of polygamy.

  3. I don't think I have enough energy to meet the demands of a polygamous relationship. It used to sap me just dealing with one partner. How do you guys do it?

  4. I couldn't.

    I mean, there was the whole emotional/physical/sexual abuse aspect, but, even that aside, I couldn't do it. It lasted for two years, but, I was miserable most of the time - I was jealous. We all were in a relationship (me + another woman + a man) together, but the woman and I were in constant competition for attention/affection. Although, at the same time, I don't think I could've handled it without her. The whole thing was all this ambivalent love/hate ridiculousness.

    Because of my own negative experiences, I would never do it again.

    I assume that for some people, though, that it is more positive than that, that they are happy with the relationship.

  5. Astasia,

    We're all involved together. In fact, we live together full-time and even share one large bed, something that is apparently considered bizarre in the "poly community."

    It's not religiously motivated (I knew that question would arise), though fully condoned by our respective Pagan religious tenets.

    We've been together as a threesome almost seven years now and, like all relationships, its bloody hard work to keep it all together but, for us, the positives outweigh the negatives.

    As for competition for attention/affection - that was going to happen irregardless for us due to the nature of the work I did until I was too banged up to do it anymore. I was gone a lot, stuck in foreign countries dealing with crises, and normally exhausted and hurting when I was home.

  6. Jonolan

    Is that considered bizarre in the poly community? I never really bought into the whole 'deviant sexual lifestyle community' thing, so I don't know all of what are considered the 'norms.' I was never interested in swingers parties, BDSM dungeons, etc.; individuals involved in those type of things seem to take their sexual preferences way too seriously, and often seem to ignore having other interests/hobbies/focuses.

    I'm glad it has worked out well for you, and I wish that you also had the option of having a legally recognized marriage.