It's addictive, especially considering the whole queer/femme porn aspect that I've been focusing on. It reminds me, a little bit, back when I discovered literotica and I fell in love with sexual deviancy for the first time.
I went through a bit more of a withdrawn, less sexual phase, especially after I began working in the violence against women field. And, it was even worse when I first started working with child victims of sexual assault. I think I sometimes was bringing work home (well, I still do), and unable to feel sexual when stressed and/or thinking about the horror stories I heard that day. But, somehow, going back to porn, and especially, this time, discovering feminist and queer porn, has really helped with my sex drive.
(Although, truthfully, it might of started recovering ever since shinobi decided to get a "packer" and we began playing with gender roles and such more. There is something that really turns me on about her walking around with a penis in her pants. Consequently - and selfishly - I really feel 100% supportive of her exploring alternative gender identities.)
And...I have a new crush. Their name is Jiz Lee. Jiz is a genderqueer porn star. And I can't fucking get enough of them. Shinobi is a little bit sick of my gushing and my references. (And, actually, I had a dream the other night that I met Jiz - and it wasn't like I wanted to have sex with them, I just really, really wanted them to like me and we could hang out and be friends. Silly, hunh?) Without Shinobi even being told about my dream, today she asked if Jiz is the third person in our relationship.
...But, I can't help it! Jiz is oh.my.god.hot.
It's a little obsessive, but I just never even knew such a wonderful, freaking hot, real person did porn. Real orgasms (as far as I can tell - or really, really good fake ones). Real people (including not just gender variant individuals but also all types of bodies including fat positive, tattooed, pierced, etc.). And Jiz just has this "fuck yeah, bitches" face - like they love everything that is going on, that they are super into what is happening, and that they just absolutely could not be more pleased that, for example, some girl is sucking their strap-on cock. It makes me swoon.
And, it helps to lessen my porn guilt. (You know, the whole, many porn stars are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and that they are now in a fairly abusive/exploitative industry.)
Anyhow, I put a link to Jiz's blog over on the side, if you want to take a look and/or support. They do queer porn, however, so expect it to be pornographic and expect it to be hot and expect it to be not "men" and "women" in any traditional sense.
That's awesome. And you are so right, Jiz is SO freaking hot. Thank you for introducing me. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome, Sara. :)
ReplyDelete