Lesbians, Vegetarians, Atheists, and Feminists. If you're not scared off by now, stay and read a few more things I have to say.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Polyamorous/Open Relationships

My gut reaction is fear, anger, sadness, disgust.

But, I didn't always feel that way.

In fact, I was part of an "open" polyamorous relationship, before. We were together for over a year. There were three of us: two cisgendered bisexual women and a cisgendered straight man.

He occasionally had sex with other women, and we were allowed to also have sex with other women, too, if he approved.

Yeah. Allowed. Approved.

See, for him, polyamory, open relationships, bdsm, kink...it was all a cover for abuse: emotional, verbal, physical, sexual. And my time as part of that relationship was heart wrenching, to say the least. I still carry the scars.

I don't want to be judgmental. I don't want to feel a compulsion to warn others away from a lifestyle that they feel will suit them best. But, I can't help but feel scared of what they might endure.

Just please be careful. Please learn about how healthy open or polyamorous relationships usually work. Please remember that you are still supposed to consent and that you are not supposed to live in fear.


  1. Thank you for this post. Polyamory has appealed to me in the past. Not surprisingly, though, I thought of it as two men one woman. But, what are the chances of that?

    Relationships of all kinds are complicated, I've come to learn, sexual ones even more. Having several people in it has to be a huge can of worms. It's scary, really.

  2. It seems to me your advice is sound regardless of the type of relationship one is in -- whether polyamorous or monogamous.