I don't want to be a negative nelly. Or a debby downer. Or a pessimist. Or anything else that you can think of to describe generally having a crappy attitude about things.

But, recently, it's been tough at work. To see children disclose sexual abuse and then have nothing happen to their perpetrators. I've been thinking about it, recently, that at one point in my life I'm sure I must've thought that most people who abuse children get caught and put in jail - especially if it was sexual abuse. And, then, I certainly must've thought that especially if the children told someone that the abuse would end and the abuser would be punished. But, in the real world, the norm is for nothing to happen. And every step in the process makes it more likely that something will happen where there will never be a day spent in jail.

It's hard to meet new families, and to have this knowledge in my mind. And, all I'm supposed to do is provide advocacy, information, education, referrals, and, most importantly, support. So, it's not like it's my failures that mean that this family will most likely never experience 'justice,' but I still feel somehow responsible because I know. I know what happened. I know who the perpetrators are, usually, where they live, maybe even where they work. But, the case falls through - for whatever reason - and these perps are allowed to continue assaulting children.

I know I've blogged about this before, but, it is still a struggle for me. So, there you go.

Judge Blames Victim For Sexual Assault: Convicted Perpetrator Receives No Jail Time

As reported today by the Winnipeg Free Press, a convicted rapist will not being going to jail because, according to the judge's sentencing, because the perpetrator was simply "insensitive to the fact that [she] was not a willing participant," and didn't even bother to threaten her with a weapon.

Judge Dewar went on to further blame the victim by saying that she sent signals that "sex was in the air." And that there were "inviting circumstances" that the victim created by being at a bar wearing high heels and a tube top.

Dewar went on to further dismiss and minimize the perpetrator's behavior by saying that it was "a case of misunderstood signals and inconsiderate behaviors."

So, let's see what we've learned from this judge:

1) It's not a "real" rape if there isn't a weapon or threats of death used.

2) Women invite people to sexually assault them, or, they do if they go to the wrong place or wear the wrong things. For example, if they leave the home, or stop wearing a burka.

3) Sometimes sexual assault is just "inconsiderate," like not holding the door for someone. Not all sexual assault is bad or morally reprehensible.

And, if you are not disgusted at this from a victim-centered standpoint, think of what this means for men as a whole. Like one of the commentators wrote, this judge has assumed that "all men are just oblivious, bumbling, opportunistic predators" who lack "common sense, decency, and free will." And therefore, if you "put anything mildly attractive in front of their face, and they can't help but start raping."

How much is your life worth?

Remember that post where I mentioned that women's lives are worth 2/3rds of mens?

Well, according to the pay outs to families of 9/11 victims, it is not just based on your gender: you also are more valuable according to the paycheck you were already earning and your occupation.

So, we don't have classes in America, right?

Gender Pay Gap

While we learned recently that lesbian women earn more than heterosexual women, it's still true that women earn less than men. For example, the Washington Post reported that women in management earn 81 cents to every dollar that men in the same positions earn.

To expand on exploring this, the blog Sociological Images, posted the following chart:

What strikes me as interesting about this chart is that some of the traditionally male-dominated fields, like construction, agriculture, mining, are some of the closest to equal in terms of pay, with construction at over 90 cents to every male dollar.

While fields that tend to have more women, like education and health services, retail, and administration, fair pretty poorly, between 75 and 80 cents for women to one dollar for men.

I'm not sure as to the cause, but I could hypothesize that fields that have attracted women for a number of years, now, feel no need to pay them equal wages - they already have women who will gladly accept their lesser earnings. In contrast, in order to attract female employees, some male-dominated fields may have increased earnings.

Slimmer, Yet Strong Enough To Stand The Test of Time

Thank goodness. That was quite the concern of mine. How do I be slim enough to meet the ideals of beauty, but not be so frail and weak as to waste away to nothing? It is a thin line - and I'm glad that it's being addressed.

Every Woman's A Madonna - Every Woman's A Whore

"You can try to reduce me, but I'm so much more." That's what Cyndi Lauper believes.

And, Ludacris would agree that this is ideal. He and Usher collaborate to let us know that they want "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed."

So, we, as women, must simultaneously be a chaste mother and a sexually deviant nymphomaniac. It's a lot to live up to. But, also, this defines us by our relationships to others.

Women are the mother of boys, and the lovers of men.

But, what are we for ourselves - as ourselves? When is that narrative going to be told?

I repeat: This is why we still need feminism.

Women's Lives Worth 2/3rds of Men's

That's what the author of the Price of Everything determined, based on the pay out to families who lost loved ones in the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Remind me again why we don't need feminism?

Feminism

I've mentioned before that the non-profit that I work for is a feminist organization. We work with victims of domestic and sexual violence and stalking - and those victims are primarily women.

But of our ten full time, five part time, and four americorps staff members, I am the only lesbian. The only one. The rest of my coworkers have male partners who they love and care for. Many of them have male sons who they are raising. So, it is hardly as if we are an organization of man-haters.

But, there is an investment in maintaining oppressive stereotypes. I get that.

Regardless...I'm disappointed.

Is this really the way most men think about feminism?