Tumblr + Porn + Jiz Lee

I've been spending a lot of time over at tumblr. ( deviantfemme.tumblr.com )

It's addictive, especially considering the whole queer/femme porn aspect that I've been focusing on. It reminds me, a little bit, back when I discovered literotica and I fell in love with sexual deviancy for the first time.

I went through a bit more of a withdrawn, less sexual phase, especially after I began working in the violence against women field. And, it was even worse when I first started working with child victims of sexual assault. I think I sometimes was bringing work home (well, I still do), and unable to feel sexual when stressed and/or thinking about the horror stories I heard that day. But, somehow, going back to porn, and especially, this time, discovering feminist and queer porn, has really helped with my sex drive.

(Although, truthfully, it might of started recovering ever since shinobi decided to get a "packer" and we began playing with gender roles and such more. There is something that really turns me on about her walking around with a penis in her pants. Consequently - and selfishly - I really feel 100% supportive of her exploring alternative gender identities.)

And...I have a new crush. Their name is Jiz Lee. Jiz is a genderqueer porn star. And I can't fucking get enough of them. Shinobi is a little bit sick of my gushing and my references. (And, actually, I had a dream the other night that I met Jiz - and it wasn't like I wanted to have sex with them, I just really, really wanted them to like me and we could hang out and be friends. Silly, hunh?) Without Shinobi even being told about my dream, today she asked if Jiz is the third person in our relationship.

...But, I can't help it! Jiz is oh.my.god.hot.

It's a little obsessive, but I just never even knew such a wonderful, freaking hot, real person did porn. Real orgasms (as far as I can tell - or really, really good fake ones). Real people (including not just gender variant individuals but also all types of bodies including fat positive, tattooed, pierced, etc.). And Jiz just has this "fuck yeah, bitches" face - like they love everything that is going on, that they are super into what is happening, and that they just absolutely could not be more pleased that, for example, some girl is sucking their strap-on cock. It makes me swoon.

And, it helps to lessen my porn guilt. (You know, the whole, many porn stars are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and that they are now in a fairly abusive/exploitative industry.)

Anyhow, I put a link to Jiz's blog over on the side, if you want to take a look and/or support. They do queer porn, however, so expect it to be pornographic and expect it to be hot and expect it to be not "men" and "women" in any traditional sense.

A Quarter Century of Me

So, I'm 25. Today.

Which makes it my birthday.

What do I want?

Well...some of this will be nice.

But, what do I really want?

What am I striving for this year? What are my life's plans, goals, dreams?

...

...

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe next year, I should wish for some decisiveness.

Queer Scouts

The Almost-Kiss

Everyone needs some gratuitous lesbian photography on a Friday night. Especially when it features that delicious moment of the almost-kiss and the accompanying anticipation and excitement.

You're welcome.

**View more of this photographer's work on his website.**

The Quick and Dirty Vocabulary Guide to Gender and Sexual Expressions

Asexual - A person who is not interested in or does not desire sexual activity, either within or outside of a relationship.

Note: Asexuality is not the same as celibacy, which is the willful decision to not act on sexual feelings.

Assigned Sex - Sex recorded at birth by a doctor, on the basis of socially defined external genitalia.

Bisexual - A description for people who are emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to males and females.

Cisgender - A description of people whose gender identity is the same as their assigned sex at birth.

Closeted - Hiding one's sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

Coming Out

(Personal) - Becoming aware of one's own sexual orientation and/or gender identity.

(Social) - Revealing one's own sexual orientation and/or gender identity to others.

Cross-dresser - Someone who periodically dresses and/or expresses themselves as opposite to their assigned sex, but do

not desire to change their birth sex. They dress-up for a variety reasons, including self-expression, personal enjoyment, and/or sexual gratification. Many cross-dressers are heterosexual.

Drag King/Queen - People who dress as members of the "other" sex periodically, for the purpose of entertainment, making a political statement, and/or expressing their own masculine or feminine side.

Dyke - A sometimes derogatory term that usually refers to a lesbian woman. Some members of the LGBTQ community have reclaimed the term, but others still consider it offensive.

Fag - A sometimes derogatory term that usually refers to a gay man. Some members of the LGBTQ community have reclaimed the term, but others still consider it offensive.

FTM / F2M (female-to-male) - A trans individual who was assigned the female sex at birth who identify as male some or all of the time.

Gay - A term that is often used to describe a male-identified person who is emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to some other male-identified people. Sometimes, gay is used as a catch-all phrase for people who identify as homosexual.

Gender - A collection of traits thought by a culture to be associated with maleness/masculinity or femaleness/femininity.

Gender Expression - The way that individuals present their appearance and/or mannerisms to express their gender.

Gender Identity - How one experiences and conceptualizes one's own gender: regardless of biological sex.

Genderqueer - A description for people who do not identify as either male or female, but rather something outside the traditional binary gender system.

Heterosexual - Someone who is emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to people of the "opposite" gender/sex.

Homosexual - Someone who is emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to people of the "same" gender/sex.

Intersex - A generalized term for people who are born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that does not fit the traditional definitions of female or male.

Lesbian - A female-identified person who is emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to some other female-identified people.

MSM (men who have sex with men) - Male-identified individuals who have sex with other male-identified individuals.

MTF / M2F (male-to-female) - A trans person who was assigned the male sex at birth and who identify as female some or all of the time.

Pansexual - A person who is emotionally, erotically, and/or physically attracted to some individuals of any gender identity.

Queer - Having a sexual orientation, sex, gender identity, or gender expression different from those deemed "normal" by mainstream society. The term has been reclaimed by some, but others in the LGBTQ community find it derogatory.

Sex - Categorization as male, female, or intersex by the shape of genitalia or other biological features.

Sexual Orientation - Describes a person's pattern of romantic, erotic, or physical attraction to individuals of a particular gender or genders.

SGL (same gender lover) - A term sometimes used instead of homosexual.

Straight - A term for someone who identifies as heterosexual and cisgender.

Trans - A term that describes a gender identity and/or gender expression that is outside of the gender binary social norms.

Transgender - Describes individuals who cross over gender identities without necessarily changing their bodies.

Transsexual - Describes people whose gender identity does not match the culturally assigned gender identity for their anatomical sex and who generally desire a physical transition that includes hormones and/or surgery.

WSW (women who have sex with women) - female-identified individuals who have sex with female-identified individuals.

This list was adapted from a publication of the Washington Coalition Sexual Assault Programs. The original document can be found in .pdf format here.

Born Gay

There's a relatively new blog, started in January 2011, entitled "Born This Way!" The blog features pictures of people, when they were children, who self-identify as LGBTQ, and provides their narrative accompanying the picture - usually focusing on how/when they discovered that they were gay.

Most of the pictures are very cute.



And many of them seem rather stereotypical.


But even more interesting than the pictures, many of the essays accompanying the pictures are incredibly touching, like from this post, where Txus writes about her one-year-old self,

"I love this poor, sweet, queer girl -

because back then I didn't know

that life could be so hard for tender

and different people."

This blog is worth a look, especially for the stories of self-acceptance, and maybe for a laugh or two at some of the picture.

Same-Sex Marriage Graph

Every once in a while, when same-sex marriage opponents are threatening repeal in my home state, or when anti-gay activists are claiming that somehow birds are dying because people can be openly gay and in the military, it is nice to look at charts like these and have it reenforced that progress is being made.

I chose to be gay.

I did.

I'm sexually attracted to men. I can have emotional and romantic connections with them. I can, quite easily, pretend to be heterosexual.

Despite that, I chose to be a lesbian.

Now, I know that for most of those lgbtqqia-identifiers that they don't feel like there was choice in the matter; that they were born gay or lesbian. And, just like that, just how they were born with a specific orientation, I was born bisexual. I always remember being attracted to both genders. I never chose to begin liking men or begin liking women - it's just always been that way.

And, for those of us who chose to have a same sex partner, I think we're kind of the dirty gay secret. It's an inconvenient part of the narrative. We're supposed to concentrate on genetics, on pointing to all the animals who were gay, and all the gays through history. It doesn't sit well with gay advocacy groups to have members stand up and say "I'm a lesbian, I chose to be, and so what?" The idea is we need to prove it's not a choice, so we can be accepted.

Which means that our thinking is: If it was a choice, wouldn't we choose to be straight?

Our own narrative oppresses us. Why are we putting forth the idea that of course we wouldn't want to choose to be a lesbian? Why do we assume that everyone knows that it is bad and wrong to be gay?

It's okay to chose to be gay. It's okay to chose not to be gay. It's okay to chose to be a boy or a girl, or chose to identify as Italian or Namibian. And if there didn't seem to be a choice in these traits, that's okay, too.

For me, I decided to be a lesbian, and I love it.